PEACE

Peace, a word that I've been trying to find in my real life. I want peace. I need it, but it nowhere near me right now. Sometimes I can feel the presence in my life. For example, when I'm with my family or hanging out with my sister. Doing all fun things gives me temporary peace. I need that long peace. That assurance that peace gonna be inside me for a really long time. When it come, the voices gone. There is time where only voices dominating my thoughts. I feel weak. I feel useless. I need peace.

I need friends. I need people that I can rely on. A people that I can talk about my worries. Reaching out is the hardest things to do. I'm screaming for help in a soundproof room with everyone around me. I need to break the glass so people can hear me. But I'm afraid, I'm gonna get hurt if I reach out. People are gonna hate me for being like this. I hate myself for being like this. But I need peace. I want it.

Do I find God again? Do I need to talk to him to ease my pain? I did talk to him before, ask him to ease the pain I'm bearing. I guess He wanna let me learn this lesson first. Maybe someday He'll rescue me and help me find peace. I want peace.

Sometimes I'm strong, sometimes I can be weak. I have good people around me, I'm lucky to be honest. But I feel lonely, and it's killing me.

I need to find peace. I want it.

Gunung Brinchang, Cameron Highlands. Circa 2012.
(I was so fucking tired on this hike)