PRAYING

Today, i found something so incredible. I am listening to Kesha - Praying while I write on this blog and my mind just went to this state of realization. I need to get rid of people who trying to break me down when I work so hard to build myself up. Slowly now, I can feel myself getting back on my feet and started to think straight again. No I still didn't let God inside my heart. Spiritually, i'm empty but slowly myself are coping again. I start to find reason to wake up everyday. Maybe on this journey God did help me to gain my strength again. Its not that I don't believe in Him, I just don't believe in everything right now. Not even myself. For now, i'm just embracing both. The hard times and good times. I still feel empty but not as empty as how i used to. I don't feel shitty everyday and that's great.
I feel relax now. I feel like myself again.

One thing that I realize when i'm starting to find myself again, I realize that, family is everything I have. If people ask me what my true state of happiness right now, I would say spending time with my family is what make me not depress at all. It takes me to another level of happiness. Maybe i pushed them too far before this but now, I am happy and grateful for them. Of course, my family is not a perfect human being, they have flaws and they can get pretty annoying sometimes, but when I talk with them, laugh, eat, cook, just being there in the kitchen table or living room don't annoyed me anymore but it makes me calm and happy. Especially my mom. Me and her, we just don't click. Like a fire and fire. But now, I am so comfortable to talk with her and I try to avoid fight. Is it because of my age? I don't know about that but i'm feeling great. I always feel like me and my mom are so awkward when it just two of us, but actually its not awkward at all if I take the initiative to open up a lil bit of myself and let her enter my world. Of course my mom don't feel the same way, but I can slowly feel that she is changing too. She listen better and she pay attention more to our action and our interest. I hope we all getting better now. My family is everything i have right now.

Back to the negative people thingy. You know what? let's not talk about them anymore. Let them be what they want to be. My life is great without them. I hope they find their peace.



Mini us who turn to giant in a few years.
Uploaded on Instagram 15/2/2013

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